Smashburger, still meh.

Who knows, maybe if you like all this crap on your burger, it's good.....

For lunch, I had a cheeseburger and fries from Smashburger, with an iced tea to drink.

I've only been there once before. It was about a year ago- I visited one in Denver, where the chain is based, trying to figure out what the hype was all about. I came away very underwhelmed, still wondering what the big deal was.

Come to find out, the chain's expanded, and there is a VERY popular location in Houston. I decided to give them another chance, so I headed in for a late lunch.

First, the good: their burger was recognizably tasty. The alleged crispiness was still not there, but it tasted fine, was a bit crispy looking, and the cheese was that awesomely gooey synthetic-looking American cheese that's oddly delicious.

The fries, however, were not. The menu labels them "shoe string cut", but they're really just McDonald's fries- look, taste, texture. I hate McDonald's fries. The kicker, however, was that about half my batch had clearly been left in the fryer for at least one, maybe several, additional cycles. These fries were crispy all the way through, and most of their innards had been fried away into nothingness. Ew.

The tea was good, and a little more exciting than Lipton- a Tazo black tea blend that had a little more flavor and character than generic iced tea.

Smashburger just does all the little things wrong. Their menu is illogically structured- rather than listing available sizes and toppings, they have several generic burgers with one or two minor topping differences (including a boring-sounding "Texas Smashburger" that isn't on their menu online), and then a list of several more custom burgers. I'm a minimalist at heart, so I have to wade through it all. I tried simply saying "1/3 pound burger, with nothing but cheese and onions", but no, that wasn't good enough, the guy (admittedly shy a few brain cells) made me pick a menu item. There is no simple "hamburger" or "cheeseburger" to choose. Normally I wouldn't care, but the late lunch meant my low blood sugar was already dangerously close to the 'jump across the counter and rip your heart out' zone.

Moreover, a 1/3 pound burger is $5, no sides, no drink. The fries? They're another $2.50. Unless you want the yummy-sounding fries that have olive oil and garlic on them, that's extra. Not only do I LIKE Beck's food better, their cheeseburger is actually a little bit cheaper per ounce (which is crazy, considering how expensive Beck's is), and they'll cook it rare if I ask.

Oh, and they were blasting their A/C in 75 degree weather. I left as soon as I was done eating, because I was freezing.

So, after a second visit, I still really don't understand what's so special about the place. To me, it's like a slightly tastier, slightly posher, more than slightly more expensive...McDonald's. I can understand the popularity a bit better in Denver, because it fulfills a niche- contemporary, fast-casual burger place with a liquor license. But down here, Beck's Prime fulfills those aims much more ably and deliciously. Beck's even has a beautiful outdoor patio, so I don't have to freeze my ass off, either.